Before I say anything, I need you to watch this:
Good. Now you have an idea of what this article is about. If you like what you’ve seen so far – or more importantly, if you don’t – please, continue reading. We’re going to get deep.
First, I’d like to begin by saying that any opinions discussed here today should not impact your decision to begin playing Dark Blood Online. Awesomely horrifying boob mechanics aside, Dark Blood is a competent Free to Play Action MMO, and you can read all about that in the Free to Play Fantasy Action MMO Dark Blood Online Beta Preview.
I say this now because we’re not here today to talk about Dark Blood Online, we’re here to talk about the Babes and Boobs in Dark Blood Online – and that’s something else entirely.
As the video above correctly observes; they’re hilarious, horrifying, thought-provoking, physics-defying monstrosities that – somehow – made their way into a free to play video game. We’re not talking Dead or Alive here, whereby one would, presumably, require a monthly allowance to access such boobery; no, we’re talking about free to play boobs. And that’s something else entirely, too.
And that’s my first issue: who is the target audience for Dark Blood? Don’t get me wrong; I don’t want to give you the impression that I’m some concerned parent prattling on about the hazards of allowing children access to virtual boobage, because in truth I’m anything but – though it must be asked. The blood effects and death animations alone suggest a mature audience, as do the boobies, but the overall visual and gameplay style – especially the anime-themed character designs – often attract those who are much younger.
And it’s Free to Play. How many mature-themed Free to Play MMOs do you know? Requiem: Bloodymare comes to mind – but that was targeted specifically to an 18+ audience, and it featured far less mature-themed content that Dark Blood – but I can’t really think of another.
Regardless of intentions, it’s very likely that young male players – perhaps some as young as 7 or 8 – will be playing in the Dark Blood Closed Beta right now… chances are they’re still stuck on the character creation screen enjoying their first taste of puberty.
I have other issues with these boobs, too. Chiefly, the way they defy physics by wobbling frantically every time the character takes a deep breath, or stretches her arms. Adding large boobs to video game characters is one thing; add adjustable boobs to video game characters that bounce around the screen willy-nilly is another.
Personally, I don’t like either, but if you feel the need to inflate the breast sizes of your characters, and you’re determined to have them wobble around, it’d be nice if you added a physics system that doesn’t cause you to spit Mountain Dew all over your PC monitor in convulsive fits of laughter every time you swing your sword.
And another thing: these breasts, for better or worse, aren’t natural breasts. They’re implants. That’s a fact. Which beckons the question: how the hell did the characters in a fantasy fiction game get breast implants?! Talk about failing to suspend disbelief… sheesh.
To wrap this up before we descend too deep into the pits of video game depravity, I’d like to end by talking about the most important infringement of these boobs: their uselessness in the game. What do they add to Dark Blood, and what do they take away? These are the questions video game designers need to ask themselves when making decisions like this one, and I don’t feel that such questions were asked here, because the final product lacks taste and style.
You can have large-breasted women in video games; personally, I think they should be in them all. It’s not only natural and accurate in terms of cultural and social character portrayal, but it offers more people more options for customisation, and I think that’s a good thing. But you need to do it tastefully; you need to do it stylistically – you can’t just draw a pair of boobs, stick inflatable balloons in them and giggle as they bounce around the screen. You need to go deeper than that, and I don’t think Dark Blood does. In fact, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if their inclusion was a cheap tactic to attract more players to the game. And that’s no good for anyone.
