My Dearest Kyuuran,
I’ve been playing you for a little while now and I’ve got to admit, your everything has slowly wormed its way in to my heart. As much fun as I’m having with my Assassin, I’m having even more fun with your ability to grab, grapple and smash our foes. Your impossibly huge weapon is a perfect illustration of how you are – big, brash, bold and very obvious.
It’s not perfect, this love of ours. I’ll be the first to admit it. We’ve only just begun, and so I’m not sure what you’re ultimately capable of. Also, you’re wearing wedge heels while doing combat motions and I’m not entirely sure how that’s possible. But then again, when I see you haul a giant monster above your head and then slam it in to the ground, I really don’t think I should ask questions. Mostly because I’m too impressed to, but also because I’m kind of terrified at what would happen if I ever doubt your prowess.
Everything about how you feel in combat is intoxicating. From the way you spin around like a steel whirlwind of death to the way you kick enemies in the chest for a follow-up chop, every motion carries impact and strength. You make that axe dance and you make enemies regret ever standing in front of you. And if they manage to somehow get a few shots in, you’re so tough that you just kind of blink at the hits right before showing them all how it’s done.
I mean, look at you. Look at that poor sucker right there, about to taste a whole universe of pain in a four second Grab. Whenever I use that skill, I know that whatever is in your hands is not safe. Maybe you’ll smash your axe in to them a few times. Maybe you’ll headbutt the guy so viciously he’ll flop on to the ground. Maybe you’ll slam him into his friend right there. Either way, I love watching you do it over and over and over again. Which is good, because we have a long way to go, you and I. You’re only level 14, but I think that I love you so hard that I’m gonna take you to the highest level I can.
Unless some other class comes along that uses, like…a huge sword or something. I don’t know. But trust me, Kyuuran, you’re it.
It’s not just about combat, either. Your tall, dark and lovely stature means you look good while slicing things into paste like an overcompensating blender. You make berserker fury look better than She-Hulk. I just really wish I could find you something nicer to wear. Baby, that yellow outfit just ain’t doing it for me…but I’ll make it better, I promise.
…please don’t hit me with your axe.
I know that I should look to my Assassin more – she’s a higher level and further along and my first character. We’ve got a history. Also, I think my editor is probably annoyed at me that I haven’t reached cap yet so I can start writing about endgame things in this column. But I can’t help it. You’re just too delightful to ignore.
I really hope we can go far, too. I want to see what other fun things you’re capable of. I want to know if Destroyers really have that tanking feel that I want to wield in dungeons. I want to push forward with you as we head into the Cinderlands and beyond. I want to give you the finest fashions and the biggest axes. I also kind of want to make sure I don’t forget the Breakthrough accessories like I did with my Assassin. Kind of a dumb mistake, that one. Which I won’t make with you, I swear.
Kyuuran, you’re my everything right now. You’re a battering ram in a world of dodging dances. You’re a charging bull when everyone else tries to be a fluttering cherry blossom petal. You’re audacious and loud and uncouth and not cute about what you are or what you do. I respect that. I adore that. It’s awe-inspiring to watch you work, and an honor to be the one who gets to guide you through all the trials and tribulations you’re likely to face. I hope you’ll be my main, Kyuuran. Let me take you on an adventure through the Earthen Realms. We’ve got a school-destroying witch to take down, and I want to see you do it.